Today , I finally took a leap of faith and quit my job of 2 years. As I type this post I literally just got off of the phone with my former manager confirming my decision to leave. Though I'm filled with conflicting feelings of relief and terror I can't help but ask myself what's next?
In my mind I have all the answers but in reality I still feel beside myself. I have been struggling for the past year trying to find a happy balance between my life and my job and to be honest it wasn't working out for me. I began to resent my job because of all the time I was loosing with the people and crafts I loved and it began to show. That's when I started to come to terms with the fact that it may be time for me to go.
With this subtle confirmation and tons of dope opportunities presenting themselves in my personal life, I was starting to believe that God and the Universe were trying to tell me something. I remember a conversation I had with my Aunt Dee a few weeks ago. I was in shambles. Curled up in the backseat of my car during one of many breakdowns to come I couldn't help but be consumed with this overwhelming since of emptiness and disappointment towards myself. I was beginning to feel like I was settling. I hated my life! I hated how successful and happy my peers where (according to Instagram) and for the life of me I couldn't understand how no matter what I did I just couldn't seem to free myself from this endless loop of settling.
In between deep breaths and snot bubbles my Aunt grabbed my attention to ask a very valid question; " What does faith mean to you? "
Being a ministers daughter of course I promptly answered ; "Believing in things unseen"
She Promptly replied : "We'll what part in that definition do you hear a plan? "
That hit me like a ton of bricks . It wasn't until that moment that I realized I never really gave myself a chance. I realized that I never had faith in myself and my abilities because I was waiting for the perfect moment. The perfect plan or that "moment" don't exist when your operating on faith, you just... "step out" on it. To be honest, what are dreams but desires of the heart that take a ton of faith to pursue?
Now that I don't have anymore excuses as to why I can't invest in myself I have no choice but to go hard for myself and I am actually pretty excited for what's to come. I've decided to surrender my fate to the hands of faith , hard work and dedication. Breaking the news with close friends before making this post live a sister friend shared a very insightful and uplifting note with me ;
No , it wont be an easy road by a long shot but I take pride in saying I finally chose me! I chose to give myself a chance and prove to myself just how exciting life can be now that I've finally taken a chance on me.
There is no greater investment then investment in self !